Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
