I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
