She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize