tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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