I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
