He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
