Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
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Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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