Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm experimenting with sincerity
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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