my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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