On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
