Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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