This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
