Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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