I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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