I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
