If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
