sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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