What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?