It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
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He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now