and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize