Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.