They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And then the night went full on bisexual.