So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
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Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.