all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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