Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize