its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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