My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
