We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.