You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.