I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!