Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
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I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?