she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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