we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
