Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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