shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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