I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
