so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia