I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
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i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We're too hungover to prance.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me