we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
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captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
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At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.