i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping