I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize