maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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