How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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