But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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