Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
