I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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