i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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