I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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