I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
