What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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