you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
