You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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