its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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