apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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