the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY