Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.