i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts