I want to make a zoo with you.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Who says no to sex and donuts?!