And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just want nice things and good sex
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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