i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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