Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....