I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.