She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.