Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
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You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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