Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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