what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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